If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
