My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
