My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
