I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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