I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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