dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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