I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
