Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
