just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
