Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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