make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
