I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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