all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
