watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
