Slut skills are useful in every country.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
