i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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