I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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