I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I understand Curling. That high.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
