Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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