my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
