Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want her autograph on my taint
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
