She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
