You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
