ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
