Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
