MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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