Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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