I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
