it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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