Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
