hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
