Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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