I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got inside last night via doggy door
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
