so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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