I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
