Your dad touched me again.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
