There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
