OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
