I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
