this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
