i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
