bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Bring me that man meat
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
