things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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