I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
