so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
