I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
