HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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