oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
