I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
