nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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