do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
