It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
