I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't turn off my feet"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
