Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
