my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
