Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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