you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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