I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
