I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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