Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
