It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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