We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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