I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
