HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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