i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
