Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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