Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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