woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize