I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
