he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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