You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
